Mr. Barber my barber said, "Come right in young man I'm very glad to see you you look very spiffy today but I think we can make you look even spiffier what do you think about that Mrs. Barber?"

"It's my humble opinion Mr. Barber," said Mrs. Barber the manicurist, "that this very fine young gentleman can be made to look even spiffier than his already extremely spiffy self looks because he's had the very great good fortune to put himself into the hands of the greatest barber in the known Western world Mr. Barber."

There was of course a lot of smiling going on throughout all this, but let's face it, no amount of smiling could cover up the fact that these were very strange people and putting yourself in a chair with one of these people standing behind you with a pair of scissors whizzing around your head was not the most prudent thing one might do with one's head. But then I was a kid. And maybe it explains why, unlike most kids, I preferred going to the dentist to getting my hair cut.

"So now tell me young feller what have you been getting yourself up to I'll bet it involves lots of girls because you are a lady-killer if ever I saw a lady-killer and I've seen some lady-killers in my time what do you say to that Mrs. Barber?" Mr. Barber said.

"I'd say there are many many thousands of broken hearts in this great land of ours Mr. Barber and I'll betchyouanything this handsome young specimen in your chair is directly responsible for most of them is what I'd say Mr. Barber," said Mrs. Barber.

Mr. Barber had very white false teeth which he sucked on while Mrs. Barber talked and while Mr. Barber talked Mrs. Barber filed her nails with an emery board that gave Mr. Barber's speech a low musical accompaniment. I sat very still throughout.

"Well if I was a girl which I'm not I'd say it would be a very cold day in Toledo that I could keep my hands off a boy as handsome as this boy we have here in our shop this day Mrs. Barber."

"I don't think there's ever been a more handsome boy in Toledo on a cold or a hot day as handsome as this boy we have here today Mr. Barber but when I was a girl and it was a very cold day in Toledo I never did see a boy as brandsmackinghandsome as this boy here Mr. Barber."

I was never sure if the Barbers were from Toledo or not but Toledo was always mentioned. It was much later that I noticed their habit of signaling to each other that they were through talking by saying the other's name like modern TV news reporters do when talking with the anchor. It may be that the Barbers pioneered this technique.

"Well our Freddy was one handsome boy but he was not one smidgen more handsome than this boy although he was a very handsome boy Mrs. Barber."

"Indeed he was Mr. Barber. He was a very handsome boy our Freddy was."

It was here that Mr. Barber turned my chair to face the mirror behind his barber's chair and we all three paused to look at the picture of the Barbers' son that sat on the counter beneath the mirror. I tried not to look at myself in the mirror for fear of leaving the impression that I was testing the Barbers' judgment that I was as handsome as their son. Freddy was about ten when this picture was taken, that is, about my age. He was wearing short pants and a necktie and there was a little Scottie dog leaping up on him but Freddy was resolutely looking into the camera with the sort of still, perplexed look one might imagine was his permanent expression growing up in the Barber home. Freddy, I learned later, had been killed in Vietnam.

"And that boy of ours was one lady-killer Mr. Barber I can tell you that he had to fight the girls off is what that boy of ours did he had to fight them off."

"You're right about that Mrs. Barber truer words were never spoken he had to fight them off that most handsome boy of ours did every day of his life. He was a lady-killer that boy of ours. If ever there was a lady-killer, our Fred was it."